Coping with the loss of a loved one can be tough, especially during the holiday season, which is why the Clark Fork Valley Hospital Hospice holds its Tree of Life ceremony in December in an effort to remember and celebrate those loved ones.

Thirty-two people from Plains, Paradise, Hot Springs, and Thompson Falls took part in the annual event in the hospital’s Building 1 last Wednesday evening, when hospice nurse Laura Lanfear read aloud a list of former hospice patients. Some names might not have been hospice patients, but were added by request. 

“We want this to be a great celebration of our lost loved ones,” said Dr. Greg Hanson, the hospital CEO, who kicked off the ceremony with a group prayer. Each visitor was provided a candle, which was lit when the name of their loved one was read. The hospice staff members raised their lighted candles for each patient name they recognized.

Many of those present have participated in the Tree of Life ceremony year after year. A handful of visitors shared their memories of lost family members, which prompted tears from both speakers and those in the audience. Some of the stories were humorous; others took on a more somber tone. All talked about touching moments. Susan Schroedel of Plains talked about her late husband, Dan, who passed away last year. Schroedel, who fought back the tears during her talk, told the group not to avoid the grief, but confront it head on. She said her husband didn’t lose the battle to cancer, but won a victory. He left her several letters that he wrote just before he passed away, including a list of instructions that included loving, smiling, and enjoying the woods, the mountains and the solitude. 

Dave Wonder lost his wife in September. He broke down in tears several times as he talked about the hurt of losing his wife. “I think the grief for me is just like a broken leg — it hurts. It gets better, but never goes away,” said the 73-year-old Wonder. Jackie Geiken of Plains praised the hospice nursing staff for the care of her late husband George.

Clark Fork Valley Hospital has had a hospice program since 2001 and started a Tree of Life ceremony the first year, said Lanfear, who also said the hospice nurses often get attached to their patients. “They get very close to their patients and sometimes it’s tough when they lose them. It takes a very special person to work in hospice,” said Lisa Eberhardt, the hospital’s chief of nursing. The ceremony was attended by hospice nurses Kim Lester, Cindy Holland, and DeJuan Page. Lanfear displayed tears while reading the names.

Betty Boehler of Plains has participated in nearly every Tree of Life ceremony. He late husband, Bill, was the hospice’s first patient. Boehler also praised the nurses for their care of Bill during his final days.

“I think that when you lose somebody close to you, you join a special club. Here we share and celebrate those people,” said Cynthia Coutinho, the hospital’s Home, Health & Hospice manager. “Most survivors want to talk about it. They want to remember them and celebrate them,” she added.

The Tree of Life ceremony usually includes a silent auction that would go for items not covered in the normal hospital budget and for those who don’t have insurance, but hospice staff decided not to have the auction this year because it might have taken away from the purpose of the ceremony, said Eberhardt.

  The two-hour event also included snacks, caroling, and the ”Remembrance Tree,” where family members or friends could place a Christmas ornament on the tree on behalf of a loved one. About 30 people put remembrance ornaments on the tree, which was moved to the main hall in the hospital for display the next day. Eberhardt said they usually get about 50 a year. She also said people can still get the ornaments, which are located next to the tree. Plains High School music teacher Brittany Nichols and her students, Cree Lulack, a senior, and Kaylie Peele, a freshman, played the flute while Lanfear read the 111 names. KaDene Evans of Thompson Falls played piano during the service.

“It’s important for people to share their grief,” said Lanfear. “It was a real sharing time tonight. People stood up and shared their stories and shed their tears, and that made it very special.”