The last of the Thanksgiving turkey was finally dispensed of just a few hours ago. You might have imagined I could put my feet up and relax with a nice glass of cabernet and quiet, but no, it's already begun. The phone rings, "Are you done with dinner?" my brother asks.

"Sure," I say, "What's up?"

"What do you guys want for Christmas?"

Silence. I should be ready with an answer, but I have not thought of the next holiday because the dishwasher is still cleaning the glassware from the last.

Well, I thought, what do I want for Christmas? An assortment of tools for the kitchen (I have had my eye on an air fryer lately) and sweaters run through my mind, but none seem to stick long enough to have any excitement for me. It seems I have enough to meet my needs. I feel blessed.

What I really want, I think, though I'm not sure how it would be packaged, is to return to a time of civility. Can we just turn the decades back to when people spoke to each other instead of quick one-line texts? When we took time to listen to each other and hear the nuances of the conversations? When we had respect for each other and spent time to understand, instead of scrolling on to the next point, past the ones that irritate us anyway?

Simple politeness in behavior and speech seems like a fundamental expectation for a society. Yes, civility. Civility was once a basic societal norm. Perhaps one we took for granted until it fell out of style, only to be replaced by words utilized for shock value, which became more important than conveying well considered thoughts and ideals. Words written by ghosts of people who live behind pseudonyms and the anonymity of keyboard warriors, where kindness and civility seem to have disappeared like woolly mammoths. We may never bring woolly mammoths back, but perhaps we can pull civility back into the ebb and flow of our daily life.

Although I have never met her, I admire her talent and I totally agree with Emmylou Harris when she stated "...I turn on the TV and see these grown people screaming at each other, and I think, well, if we don't get our civility back, we're in trouble." So yes, perhaps, she and I would both like the same gift for Christmas. The lack of civility causes concern for our world, we would love to see this reversed.

I so appreciate living in Sanders County. I love the fact that when I'm out running errands and shopping, people will meet my gaze, smile and greet me. I am thankful that we as a community step up when another person has a need, to meet that need with compassion and grace and yes, civility. This past month I enjoyed seeing the community rally around the high school football team as they took the town of Thompson Falls to the state championship and grabbed that title of Champions for the season. That is another perk of life in small town America. Relationships matter and people matter. When the Elks held their Keep 'Em Warm coat drive, it touched my heart to see how many people stepped up to donate warm coats for the students of Sanders County. I have noticed before that when there is a need that pulls a community together, differences can be put aside. Regardless of the political, religious, educational, racial, dog person vs. cat person views we all have, we can work together and rise above our differences to meet the need and make our community a better place to be in.

For the years I worked in social work, I had a sign over my desk quoting Mahatma Gandhi stating, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Such a good reminder every day for me to monitor my own behavior to bring about what I want to see change around me. Gandhi also shared his thoughts that "civility does not... mean the mere outward gentleness of speech cultivated for the occasion, but an inborn gentleness and desire to do the opponent good." I've pondered these words for a time. I've learned that I need to allow myself the grace to fail in these efforts but the grace also to rise again and strive forward to meet the goals I set for myself to be the change, to show the gentleness and grace and interact in my community and the larger world with civility. To put the effort out to hear and be civil with not only those I agree with but also those who share opposing views to mine.

So now I only need to call my brother back and let him know what I really want for Christmas. Gentleness, grace, civility. Yes, I do believe that I would like more of that this year and that would be an excellent Christmas gift. He's fairly creative, perhaps he can find a way to wrap this up for me. If not, I have had my eye on a particular air fryer on Amazon.

Either way, I wish you all a Blessed Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Rohatsu, Joyful Solstice, Happy Kwanzaa, and an honored Mawlid el-Nabid. May your holidays be filled with peace and civility. Shalom.

Chelle is a recovering social worker who currently works as a licensed massage therapist at Cherry Creek Myotherapy. She moved to Montana with her husband David and two pups, Lucas and Turner, where they seek "the quiet life" amid new adventures.